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Confidence isn't just a feeling; it's a potent force you can harness to transform your life. Last month, we talked about the secret language of charismatic communication. While charisma might be the signal you externally communicate, confidence acts as the inner foundation.
Yet so often we're caught in the trap of validation dictating our confidence, whether it is good job performance, social approval, or positive feedback. While these validations can make us feel confident, real confidence is internal.
Today, I want to share everything I learned recently from Dr. Aziz Gazipura (🎧Ep. 130) on the subject.
By the end of this newsletter, you’ll learn how to:
I’d love to hear your thoughts, questions, and experiences with building confidence, so please reply to this email and let me know!
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Confidence is a dynamic force that can significantly impact your life.
It's not just about feeling good; it's about believing in yourself and what you can achieve. Consider how it empowers you in various aspects of your life:
To harness the power of confidence, consider cultivating two fundamental habits:
Unfortunately, we often avoid bold actions because we fear pain, rejection, or disapproval. We procrastinate and fall into a loop of negative self-talk.
The inner critic is your biggest threat to your confidence.
It's like a voice that makes you feel bad and unsure about yourself. Learn to stand up to this inner critic with three steps.
This applies even if you're already somewhat confident. There can still be a little bit of fear that holds you back.
Sometimes, it's hard to tell if we're getting ready for something bad or just thinking something bad will happen. The inner critic likes to think about all the bad things that could happen, like "What if everything goes wrong?" and "What if the worst happens?"
This can make us really scared and anxious.
To find the right balance between being prepared and being worried, you need to know how much risk you can handle. When you start imagining the worst-case scenarios, take a break and consider whether things are as bad as they seem. Just taking a moment to think can make those scary thoughts less powerful.
Ultimately, you might need to practice not always being super prepared. It doesn't mean you should stop preparing altogether but try to be more open-minded. Remember, you can't control everything and don't have to worry about every bad thing that might happen. Odds are, everything will be okay.
One way I put this in practice is when I'm doing public speaking. While I do try to rehearse, I prefer to go into a talk without note and accept that I'll probably miss 10-20% of my talking points. However, by not needing to rely on those talking points I can take a lot more ownership in the delivery, which, so far, has lead to a better overall outcome.
Conquering the fear of rejection is a big part of gaining confidence.
One good way to do this is by practicing getting rejected and doing things that make you uncomfortable. This helps you step out of your comfort zone, face your fear, and realize rejection isn't as painful as you think. It's a strong way to overcome the fear of rejection and become more socially confident.
Try this exercise: Ask someone for something you're sure they'll say no to. For example, go up to a stranger and ask for $100 without begging or giving a reason. It's designed to help you face the discomfort. And sometimes, surprisingly, you might get a "yes."
Before you read more, listen to some crazy examples of things you'd expect people to say "no" to, but they actually say "yes."
The rejection practice exercise is about developing social freedom.
A "Personal Bill of Rights" is a key to being authentically yourself in social situations. It's like a list of permissions you give yourself to counter feelings of guilt or obligation. When you acknowledge these rights, it helps you navigate social interactions without unnecessary stress.
Here are some examples from Dr. Aziz:
Creating these rights can be a powerful way to discover more about yourself.
Guilt often comes from a conflict between what society expects and what you truly desire. Your Bill of Rights challenges the idea that you must always please others, allowing you to focus on your well-being. When you really believe in these rights, you won't feel pressured to meet others' expectations.
Your Bill of Rights can apply to different parts of your life:
Identify areas where you feel uncomfortable or hesitant, and then create rights that counter those feelings. Your Bill of Rights acts as a guide, making decisions easier and reducing inner conflicts. Writing them down and practicing them reinforces your commitment to being true to yourself.
Your Bill of Rights is the foundation for prioritizing your needs and values without unnecessary guilt.
It can be tough to navigate social commitments while staying true to yourself. Sometimes, you might end up in situations you'd rather skip.
Here's the challenge: How do you honor your own desires (like not wanting to be there) without coming across as impolite?
Instead of going to every event out of a sense of duty, focus on the relationships that mean the most to you. Identify the connections that bring you happiness and enrich your life. Realize that nurturing these meaningful relationships might require you to decline certain gatherings so you can save your time and energy for what truly matters.
When you say "no," there's no need to give a long explanation. A simple and honest response is enough. Express your gratitude and politely explain that you won't be able to attend. This straightforward approach sets clear boundaries without offending.
While it might seem hard at first, learning to "say no" more feels like a superpower and actually frees up your time, letting you "say yes" more as well.
Yesterday, I talked with health and wellness expert Liz Moody, discussing her science-backed strategies to improve your life. Our conversation centered on practical steps for achieving more success, tricks to boost gut health, ways to nurture deeper relationships, and methods for reshaping your mindset to boost happiness.
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Building and harnessing confidence is a challenge we all face, but these valuable insights we've shared will be the key to unlocking your true potential.
If you have any unique tips or hacks for building confidence, please reply to this email or send me a not at email@example.com!
If you like this post, you’ll love my posts on charismatic communication.
by Chris Hutchins
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