🕵️ The Secret Language Of Charismatic Communication

Some people have that “it” factor. When they speak, people hang on to every word. It's that perfect balance of “warmth “ and “confidence” that makes you feel this person knows exactly what they are talking about.

Today, we’re talking about charisma.

In 2022, I had a remarkable conversation with Vanessa Van Edwards (🎧Ep.46), bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People and Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. Over 50 million people have watched her YouTube tutorials and TEDx Talk.

I want to share with you everything I learned from her so that you can unlock your most charismatic self. By the end of this post, you’ll learn how to:

• Master the formula of charisma
• Better use your vocal power, nonverbal cues, and words
• Have more effective meetings
• Write with warmth and competence
• put a bunch of rapid-fire tips into use

🧪 Master the Formula

Would it surprise you to know that charisma is a simple formula?

It’s not just for those born with it. Research shows that charisma can be cultivated and learned over time. And it all relies on a series of cues.

Cues are the social signals we send to others through nonverbal body language, vocal tone, words, and even imagery, such as colors and props. In her research, Vanessa discovered that charismatic people rank off the charts in two specific traits: warmth and competence.

• Warmth reflects someone who is collaborative, a team player, patient, and compassionate
• Competence reflects someone impressive, powerful, efficient, and memorable

To become trustworthy, friendly, and likable while being seen as capable, powerful, and smart relies on balance.

Too much warmth and you’re viewed as:

• Sweet, but not smart
• Compassionate, but not competent
• Relatable, but not impressive

Too much competence and you’re viewed as:

• Smart, but not approachable
• Dependable, but not collaborative
• Important, but not kind

So, if you don’t feel like you possess warmth or competence, it doesn’t mean you aren’t charismatic; it means you haven’t mastered the formula to communicate it effectively.

So, let’s move into the three attributes: vocal power, nonverbal cues, and the words you use.

📣 Vocal Power

The first 10 words spoken during an interaction will set the tone for warmth and competence.

You can use vocal range, pace, and tempo to influence behavior. Here’s an example Vanessa shared with me of that vocal power in action:

This is just one example of how your words can influence behavior.

Actionable Tip

You can apply vocal power to improve your video calls.

Vanessa points out that one way to use vocal power to your advantage is to start the conversation in the low range instead of the high one because the low range signals competence. It’s natural for many of us to hold our breath just as we’re about to start. By doing so, the “hello” comes out on your highest note.

So, to communicate with competence, speak on the out-breath instead of holding it in.

🙊 Nonverbal Cues

Nonverbal cues such as tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions play a crucial role.

In the 1970s, Dr. Albert Mehrabian's research developed the 7-38-55 communication framework. It suggests that only 7% of your communication is verbal, while tone of voice and body language make up 38% and 55%, respectively.

While experts have pointed out some limitations of this framework, it still suggests that nonverbal communication is more important than the words themselves.

Actionable Tip

You can signal your charismatic nonverbal cues through something as simple as your video call background

To start, Vanessa suggests using your real background instead of a virtual or blurred background. She says they often confuse the other person's brain, since they wants to see what’s behind the person on the other side of the screen. And doing so can divert attention from the conversation. So, instead, use your real background to foster a more engaging and focused interaction.

Then, you can set up the space behind you to convey your warmth and competence.

• Books, awards, or degrees can signal competence
• Family photos, games, or personal items signal warmth
• And a mix of both ensures a well-rounded perception of the communicator's personality.

This was very important to me since most of my interviews are virtual, so I connected with Kevin Shen at dreamstudiocourse.com to help me rethink my studio setup.

I think it came out great!

📢 Words Matter

It’s no secret that words are important – but what most people might overlook is that words are cues for behavior.

Our brains constantly seek cues to determine how to act, think, and feel. In another study Vanessa shared, participants were brought into a dark room and were asked to eat a bowl of strawberry yogurt and rate it on its strawberry flavor.

The study aimed to determine if words could change a person’s perception.

59% of participants rated the yogurt as having a “nice strawberry flavor.” The problem was the yogurt was chocolate.

Words have the power to prime people and influence behavior.

Actionable Tip

Use predictive rapport to improve your video calls.

Productive rapport is the process of priming people for excitement by starting the meeting with positive words. Words can change behavior, so negative words like “stress, busy, complicated, and wait” can trigger people to think about these words.

You want to spark positive engagement through your words.

🏁 End your meetings right

I think the most awkward time is the end of a video call.

You can have a great meeting, but if it has this slow, awkward death, you will leave a poor lasting impression. And just like first impressions, lasting impressions matter. Here are two tips that, when used together, create a great ending.

The first is to use a “future” mention because mentioning future actions or plans subtly signals that the conversation is winding down. Examples include:

• “I’ll follow up on XYZ that we just talked about.”
• “I hope you have a great weekend.”
• “Thanks so much for your time; I hope you have a really nice rest of your day.”

The second is to wrap up in an "end” tone of voice to convey that the conversation is coming to a close. Check out how Vanessa describes it here in the video (at 23:11):

​

✏️ Written Communication

While written communication lacks nonverbal or vocal cues, it still offers opportunities for impactful interactions.

You can include "verbal charisma" in written form by strategically incorporating specific words and phrases to trigger desired attitudes and behaviors. Use purposeful language choices that align with warmth or competence goals by tailoring email subjects, greetings, and sign-offs to match charisma objectives.

For those new to the concept, assess your online profiles and introductory lines for the balance between warm and competent words.

• Warm words evoke an emotional connection, including "collaborate, cheers, excited, together, and happy."
• Competent words convey expertise and include terms like "efficient, lead, productive, streamline, and knowledge."
• Warm symbols are emojis and exclamation points.
• Competent symbols are data and charts.

Striving for equal representation of both types of words helps create a balanced and approachable impression.

For individuals aiming to enhance charisma on a deeper level, Vanessa suggests you adjust your warmth and competence levels to mirror the language and demeanor of the receiver. You demonstrate respect and understanding by adapting your warmth and competence cues to match theirs.

Auditing your recent emails is an excellent way to improve your written charisma.

🔥 Rapid Fire Tactics:

• Smiles change how your voice sounds – an authentic smile can audibly alter one's tone, infusing it with warmth.
• Use social media to get a sense of whether a person is warm or competent – match your tone to theirs so your message resonates more.
• Use hand gestures as visual highlighters – underline or emphasize certain words because we give 12.5x more weight to gestures than words.
• In meetings, where you sit should match your intentions
  • Leadership Position: Face the door
  • Influence Position: Choose seats to the right or left of the leader
  • Challenging Position: Sit directly opposite the leader or the key influencer
  • Low Visibility Position: Sit along the sides of the table
• Start an email with “Hi friend or team” - this will help signal warmth and collaboration to the recipient.
• Title a meeting "goal session" or "2023 wins" - this can help signal competence or productivity.

🎙️ Podcast: Essential Practices for Finding Success and Joy in Everything You Do

Today, I have Suneel Gupta back again to talk about the ancient wisdom of Dharma and ways to incorporate simple and effective daily habits into your life so that you can find success and joy in everything you do without sacrificing your professional ambition.